But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
