Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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