1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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