Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My bed smells like the plague
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
