You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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