Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
