what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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