Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize