it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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