Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
