I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize