Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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