So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
