its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
