i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
