Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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