On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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