I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
