I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
