dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
