So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
