They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
