your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
