My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
