Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
