You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
