turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
