She's JV to your varsity
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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