Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
