the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
