If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
