I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Vodka?
Forever.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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