I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i dont even know how to be here
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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