The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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