I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
