Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
