Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
