Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
