So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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