a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
