Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
