Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
