My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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