I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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