my mouth tastes like poor choices
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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