i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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