god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
