I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
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