Umm I'm too high to move.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
and you said cock pushups were impossible
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
