you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
