i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
