was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
