Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
