Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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