I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
