And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Randomize
