you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
