the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
