just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
