chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
