i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
