welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Couch. On fire.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
