I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
