Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
