proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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