She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
