the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
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