I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
