Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
