the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
