Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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