lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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