they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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