Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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