i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
