i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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