you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
