just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
