dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
