One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
