All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
