Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
